Research use only · not for human or veterinary consumption
Merch
Shirts, a hoodie, and a few small things for the sort of person who checks the lot number before the price. None of it exists in physical form yet — these are the designs, nothing has gone to print, and the counters below say so.
Merch is a separate line from the research catalog. It is printed by a print-on-demand partner, ordered on its own, paid for on its own, and shipped in its own package. Nothing on this page is a research product, and nothing in the research catalog is printed on a shirt.
Tee
$32.00
The lab does not get told whose sample it is. Front reads BLIND SUBMISSION; the back is a submission form with every field left empty.
Tee
$32.00
Somebody has to get the placebo. Quietly the most important shirt in any study.
Tee
$32.00
The wavelength a peptide bond absorbs at, and the one every chromatogram on this site is read at. To everybody else it is a number on a shirt.
Hoodie
$62.00
Heavyweight fleece for the part of the workflow the freezer is doing. Small cuff print, nothing on the back.
Long sleeve
$44.00
Lab-cut long sleeve with the custody line printed down one arm: received, logged, submitted, returned. None of the boxes are ticked.
Sticker pack
$12.00
Six vinyl stickers: a chromatogram, a rat, a vial with a deliberately blank label, and three lot tags you fill in yourself.
Enamel pin
$14.00
One hard-enamel peak, 32 mm, baseline in ultramarine. There is no number on it, because putting one there would mean we had measured something.
Beanie
$28.00
Ribbed cuff, embroidered, one line of text. It is a hat for a temperature.
Notify
One email, once, on the day merch can actually be ordered. It is not a newsletter and it is not tied to the research catalog — signing up here puts you on this list and no other.
Printed
Each item is made by a print-on-demand partner after the order is placed. There is no warehouse, no inventory to clear, and no reason to run a sale to move it.
Separate
Merch is checked out and shipped on its own. A merch order and a catalog order never travel together and never share a package.
Plain
So it holds to the same rule a product page does: no compound names, no purity figures, no claims about what anything does. The jokes are about method, paperwork, and lab rats.